no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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