Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
