Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
