There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
