you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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