I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
