All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
