I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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