Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
