Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
