Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize