I think I am morally bankrupt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize