Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
