"it" just moved
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
