the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize