Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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