if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
