If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
