I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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