from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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