i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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