The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
