I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
