I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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