I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
