im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
