omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
