I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
