Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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