You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
