I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
