you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize