Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bring me that man meat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
