I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
