You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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