i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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