Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
