I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
