Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize