I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
