I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
