He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
