I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found the puke drawer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
