Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize