Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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