You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
