I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm like, not good at living.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize