I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
