Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
