Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
