i just wanna soil my oats bro
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
