Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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