South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
