i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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