What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
