i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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