Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
