i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
