Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
