i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
