and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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