I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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