he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You can't just leave with hair like that
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
