I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize