she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
