i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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