After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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