I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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