i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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