i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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